Sphincters Rule!

Recently, we were moving through the checkout line at a local market when the sound of a foreign language caught my attention. It was being spoken between the couple behind us. Although I didn’t recognize these people, it isn’t out of line in this small town to approach people that you don’t know. I told them that I didn’t recognize the language they were speaking. Simultaneously, he said, “Iranian” and she said, “Persian.” Then, he relented, “Farsi”, which is the most widely spoken language in Iran. We began to talk. And talk. And talk. And talk...and time dissolved…until the cashier asked us, nicely, if we could move our act somewhere else, which we did. He willingly gave us what seemed to be his whole life story. I was full of questions, “Like, if Ahmadenijad hates Jews so much, then why are 25,000 Jewish people allowed to live, peacefully in Iran?”

“My father’s best friend is a Jew! Jews are welcome in Iran!”

Okay.

Then, I asked, “Is Ahmadenijad hated as much by the Iranian people as the American press reports?”

“It’s like everywhere else…some people like him and some don’t”

And on and on it went, until we were invited to dinner. This is an educated and astute man and I’m sure that he sensed more than my curiosity. He sensed my confusion at the apparent contradictions.
We met for dinner at a local art gallery, where his wife was preparing an Iranian meal for the local patrons and board members. She was seeking a reaction to the food in anticipation of opening an Iranian restaurant. And we talked some more. When I think that I was pressing him hard enough about Iranian issues (I didn’t say it, but he knew that I had seen photos of public executions in Iran, heard the stories of the mistreatment of women and gays and Ahmadenijad’s dream of wiping out Israel and so on), he sat back, took a deep breath and…

“Let me tell you an old Persian story, okay?

“One day all the body parts got together to discuss which body part was the most important,” he exclaimed, holding one finger up in the air.

“The discussion was heated, as each body part stated its case.

“First was the mouth, which vigorously insisted that without him, you would die of starvation. Then came the eyes, the window to the soul. Then the legs, which take you further than the eyes. Then the hands, without which, man would create nothing.

“When it was the sphincter’s turn to state its case, it said nothing,” he continued. “The sphincter just looked around at the other body parts, took a deep breath and began to tighten-up. When he got good and tight, he waited. Soon, the extremities began to tremble. The eyes began to bulge. The mouth began to quiver and gag as a putrid taste began to rise from the throat. When the other body parts just couldn’t take it anymore, the sphincter grinned and released its grip. Soon, the other body parts began to relax until they were back to normal.

“’Would you like me to do that again?’” asked the sphincter. They got the message.

“So,” my Iranian friend concluded, “Ever since then, we have ALL decided that we would be ruled by assholes!”